The moment I saw this dress on Lucie Lu's website I had to have it. I mean instant unadulterated love. I got some xmas money from lovely brother in law and so I bought this with the Instant sleeves.

I got the dress, and in person it is lovely. A few things.....

1. The middle band is stretchy elastic, and it got really hot when I wore it, It is non breathable material.
2. The top for me was too large in the armpit area, but it fit my bust perfectly, so ....I guess I should have it altered.
3. I tried the instant sleeves, and they didn't work for me. They fell back on my shoulders, exposing the top of my arms, and my bra. So I sent them back. I ended up getting a little cotton cardigan from Avenue and it is precious with it. It eliminated the need for a strapless bra, and getting the dressed altered.

I wore this dress to the office, because I never really go to parties, and it was not TOO over the top dressy with the cardigan, tights and mary jane heeled shoes I wore with it. I got a ton of compliments on the dress.

For those wondering, the underneath material is very fluid, not stiff, so it moves with the lace over skirt when you walk. The lace is also VERY soft, not stiff. I felt so pretty that day when I wore it. It is one of the few times that I thought ha ha regular size girls this dress is not in your size. Truly it is that pretty. I will try to get over being camera shy at some point, and post a picture of me in it. If you want to get your own beautiful dress, which by the way comes in a sapphire blue, a ivory color and the wine color shown above, press the link below. I have bought a lot recently from Lucie and everything has exceeded my expectations. I will post my review on my other items later.

Lucie Lu Party Dress

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How did I my blog get placed by other blogs about sexual fetishes?

Much Done today.......

I got so much done today with my fantastic family! We got the house cleaned, did laundry, put away xmas stuff. Everything feels so much better. Cleaner...a fresh start.

I even got my toenails painted. I did a sparkly cherry red polish from Avon called Cherry Jubilee, but then took it to another level by adding my newly acquired, from the discount bin at Sally's Mrs Claus!!! It it like a glitter bomb went off on my toes. I LOVE IT! No one will see it but my kids and husband, as this is not exactly open toe weather, which is the only down side.

Monday I am going to try a food journal. I really want to change to my attitude about food and how I use it to comfort myself. I like to cook, and bake, but I realized that tonight I get more satisfaction from watching other people enjoy it. I over eat because it is a cheap way to self medicate. I also don't cook much right now, because I am usually so tired when I come from work, all I want to do is just veg! My husband is gracious enough to cook almost every night, and god love him he doesn't complain.

Monday at my doctors appointment I am going to mention that my energy level seems even lower than usual. I am supposed to start exercising with Lindsay this week, trying for a goal of 3 half hour sessions per week right now. Unfortunately we have a doctors appointments 4 days out of 5, so I won't get to start until Friday.

OOTD
Jeans Avenue
T shirt (from god knows where)
Socks
and.....
GLITTER TOES!

New Years Resolutions

New Years Resolutions 2011

1. I will start working on my self image, and try to learn to accept my self as I am, fat or not.
2. I will go to the Gym with Lindsay three times a week, and buy some tennis shoes.
3. When I am at the gym I will look in the mirror, and not away, and I will confront the real me, and tell myself I am still beautiful.
4. I will write in my blog at least twice a week, and try to start a Outfit of the Day. I have some great new clothes, and I am anxious for others who are plus size to see them, so they can gauge for themselves if a brand is for them.
5. I will buy some clothes from Evans in the UK, because I have been lusting for them for awhile.
6. I will watch my pennies better this year, and try to reinvent my old clothes I no longer wear. I am not a sewer, but I think I have enough skills to reconstruct some of my things. First project a cute Talbots sweater that is too tight but may become wearable if I put some lace panels in it.
7. Figure out a new hairstyle. I have been messing with color now for about a year. But my hair by the end of the day is limp and weird looking. I am a 80's child, so I have a hard time with sleek hair that lays flat. I like some pouf!!!! I just don't have the patience to mess around with it for a long time in the morning.
8. I will keep up with the laundry.
   

Quick update with my health journey. I am not diabetic. I finally found a doctor that listened (really listened) and we think I have PCOS. Which I suspected for a long time but never could anyone to pay heed to me. She has done multiple blood tests to see where my hormone levels are during my cycle, and I go back to see her on Monday to get another check. I was placed on progesterone cream, and so far no side effects but also no improvement, although I am unsure what it is supposed to improve. I am looking forward to getting these things under control, most of all the excess hair on my face (so embarrassing).

OOTD:
Gray T shirt from Walmart (before I started to boycott them).
Jeans from Avenue
White Socks

Tick Tock....

The time of reckoning is coming soon......

I ate some doughnuts, mexican food, pop......one last hurrah? I wish it tasted super good, but it didn't because I am worried. BAH!

This next week is going to be full of stress. Which will make me want to eat. Damn.

Bad Results

I just recently went through my work place wellness blood draw. I was anticipating that my triglyceride levels would be normal for once, and everything except my measurements would be improved. I was wrong. My trigylcerides were little better than last year, despite me taking mediciation. I faxed my results to my doctors office and I am now on some new and improved medicines and scheduled for a diabetes test on Monday. I (stupidly) asked mid year last year to switch my triglyceride medicine to a cheaper version. At that time my levels were textbook perfect, now they are BLAH. And my glucose level has gone up slightly again, thus the diabetes test. So I am forced to have the come to jesus meeting that I have been dreading for a long time.

I like eating, I love food, the smells, the textures, the combinations. I also like to soothe my wounded self with a thick balm of carbs, but apparently I can't do that anymore. But I don't want to change, because it seems too hard, and will definately take too long. Sure I would love to lose weight but I don't want to work at, just take a magic pill. I know that when I was pregnant with my second one, that I lost weight like no ones business and it was wonderful, because I didn't work at it, and it just came off. I hate being boxed in by measuring, by accounting. By feeling guilty when I screw up, and trying to get back on track, and then ultimately abandoning it. I really have no will power, because I don't want to change. I know I should be scared shitless by the possibility of having diabetes, but really I just don't care, so I am more worried about not caring. Maybe I should talk to the doctor about that instead.

Turn of the blog

I forgot I even started this blog a few years ago. Life came in the way, and ultimately nothing to write about. I was going to do an American Idol review, which came to nothing, mainly I hate being tied down to posting or watching something every week. I have figured out that when I feel obligated it becomes a chore, and then I look for ways to get out of it. Also, I feel bad about myself for not finishing and that becomes a weird circle of self hate.

I have been thinking for awhile about writing about my weight. A dilemma I have faced almost my whole life. I waiver from fat acceptance to challenging myself to loose weight. I struggle with my body issues that are imposed from the outside to the self loathing on the inside. I have been reading different things lately about the fat acceptance movement, and I want to agree with all of them, and in some ways I do, but then I look at pictures of women being proud of themselves in outfits that are unflattering, and make them look huge, and it kinda grosses me out. Ironically, if I wore that same outfit it would be even more unflattering on me. So I am hoping that by writing about this to myself I can find the direction I am ultimately happy with, and grow towards that sun.