Turn of the blog

I forgot I even started this blog a few years ago. Life came in the way, and ultimately nothing to write about. I was going to do an American Idol review, which came to nothing, mainly I hate being tied down to posting or watching something every week. I have figured out that when I feel obligated it becomes a chore, and then I look for ways to get out of it. Also, I feel bad about myself for not finishing and that becomes a weird circle of self hate.

I have been thinking for awhile about writing about my weight. A dilemma I have faced almost my whole life. I waiver from fat acceptance to challenging myself to loose weight. I struggle with my body issues that are imposed from the outside to the self loathing on the inside. I have been reading different things lately about the fat acceptance movement, and I want to agree with all of them, and in some ways I do, but then I look at pictures of women being proud of themselves in outfits that are unflattering, and make them look huge, and it kinda grosses me out. Ironically, if I wore that same outfit it would be even more unflattering on me. So I am hoping that by writing about this to myself I can find the direction I am ultimately happy with, and grow towards that sun.